Amalgam

They say it isnt real unless its spoken or recognized.

But how could it not be?

I feel it in the pit of my stomach, at the base of my mouth, attempting to roll its words off my tongue, yet somehow never being able to.

I feel it struggling to form the words, in every beat of my heart, aching for the feeling to be known.

Tell me, how can this not be real? My brain has already declared itself crazy for filling itself with the same thought over and over again.

My neurons have shouted this message a million times, and I challenge you to tell me it is not real.

I challenge you, to dare speak its falsity, when my whole body has already shouted its authenticity.

– QueenCoward

You say that she doesn’t matter
But you cling to her like she’s the only person alive
I try to stop myself
I have no right to speak of your relatioship,
Or to make judgements in your life

But it hurts me that you keep it a secret,
Like I’m not worthy to be your keeper,
Like I don’t matter at all.

My wheels have been turning all night

Trying to decipher every word
Every syllable of every sentence you said
Because maybe I’ll have a clue
Of how much she really matters to you

Because you say that you miss me,
That we should get together too
But we never do,
Never like you two do.

And I try to tell myself,
I try to convince myself,
That it’s only because she’s leaving soon,
And you said you two weren’t close

And so I put my blinders on,
Having faith in you.
But all the signs have been telling me otherwise
And even my blinders weren’t effective
To hide the light she brings in you

I’ll stop, then
I know where I’m not wanted.
Let me crawl back to my cave.
Let me suffer alone,
Like I always do
-SMETAHQ

I had friends who watched me stand tall,

And stayed even in my downfall.

I had friends whom I trusted most,

But left me at my worst.

I had friends who betrayed me,

For what was obviously temporary.

Friends I treated like family,

Unaware that they didn’t really want me.

My heart, now made of stone,

Prefers to be left alone.

I’ve had enough of this tic tac toe,

I don’t trust anyone’s lies anymore.

People do come knocking,

Hoping to break the walls I’m building

But all the betrayals have taught me,

The truth hurts more than what’s coming

I can’t be a fool forever,

Sharing secrets to a stranger.

I’m not anyone’s pet anymore,

I’ve learbed to become stronger.

I have learned where to put myself,

When things get a little stuffy.

When ny presence becomes a burden,

And company an annoyance.

-SMETAHQ

I take advantage

Of the people who love me

And beg for the attention

Of those who doesn’t.

I seek for the care

That was always there

But not from the people

I hoped it had come

I am a walking contradiction,

Talking of love’s conviction

What right do I have,

To define the power that I mention?

I’m just a lost soul,

Hoping to feel righteous,

Even when life’s a bowl,

Full of unknown ingredients.

-SMETAHQ

I was always a near miss,

Always an almost, but never an always,

Sometimes a choice, often an option.

I hope for a place to belong,

But never search for it.

I dream of a fantasy,

Knowing it will never be reality.

I cry for the pain,

And long for the happiness,

Knowing that life is a road,

Full of dark edges.

I know I’m young,

I’ve got unlimited chances.

But life’s still a life,

No matter the choices.

It’s a daily struggle,

For the brightness that shines.

But life is the star,

In a sky full of darkness.

It shines in the night,

Hoping to give light,

But the twinkling sky,

Is just a beautiful sight.

Up close, you’ll see,

All the dark edges it holds,

All the struggles it took,

To be what it is today.

-SMETAHQ

I have sent myself into oblivion, into an empty void where I can no longer redeem myself. Into a spotless, misty, white space where I am neither lost nor do I belong.

But I have satisfied myself with the deafening silence, and have now grown accustomed to the enjoyment of my own company, better than anyone else’s.

-SendMeToAHospitalQuick

(SMETAHQ)

we’re awkward in real life so we post poems and proses here instead